For You I Will
by Unwritten.25
Summary: Oneshot. When she kisses him, the cold is finally gone. Rory & Jess drabble. Literai, Het.


_"I love you."_

Time stops and all Rory Gilmore can do is stay still with it. She's motionless with the same shock she felt when she first saw Jess' face, peaceful and asleep. She'd been telling the truth when she'd said she'd imagined this scene over and over, tormenting herself with what if's that probably would never happen. She'd barely dared to dream that he would say those words. After all, you didn't leave the person you loved.

Staring into his face, seeing his intense dark eyes that had made her shiver inside when she was seventeen and still did at nineteen, she knew he was telling the truth. But staring into that face also reminded her of who he was – the one who'd abandoned her, instead of being abandoned, the one who had left without a note or a goodbye. He'd broken her, and even those words couldn't fully pick up the pieces. Because, for the moment, they were only words. Actions spoke louder, after all.

He's turning away now, and Rory reflects bitterly that this seems to be a pattern for them – him leaving her behind to watch as he walked out of her life. And he would always have her heart – the parts that she could never entrust to Dean. Jess had been the only person she could be fully _herself_ with, not "the perfect girl" that she'd been with Dean, but Rory. Only Rory, a girl who loved books and her mom and learning with a vigor. The Rory that made mistakes and fell down sometimes, but also the Rory that was able to spring up from those mistakes twice as strong.

Rory didn't cry as Jess walked away. She was used to being left behind by him. But she felt empty inside as she turned towards the bonfire, hoping that some of its heat would enter her and take away the cold, cold feeling in her stomach.

* * *

It's months before she sees him again, and by the time she does she's thrust his words into the darkest pit of her mind, doing her best to ignore them. She doesn't want to think about Jess, because if she does she'll call him and he'll convince her to leave her life behind. Because she loves Jess more thoroughly than she could ever love Dean. There was a reason she'd left him for Jess, after all.

But she can't run away with Jess, because her _life_ is here. Yale, her mom, _writing_, her education, Paris . . . . Can Jess replace that life? No. Because even though he's said the words, he hasn't done _anything_ to back them up. He can't replace the life she has now until she's sure that he actually loves her. Because even though she knows Jess well enough to realize that he doesn't say things (to her) without meaning them, she's not sure he knows his own heart well enough to tell if he loves her.

So she refuses his offer. And when he leaves again, the empty feeling grows stronger.

* * *

It's a long time until she sees him again, and by the time she does she's changed. She's no longer his Rory; instead she's turned into "Ace". And Ace is one for parties and gowns and the DAR. She's the one that parties and drinks and has sex with a man she isn't sure loves her completely. Ace is the one who ditched her Yale education, Ace is the one living in her grandparent's pool house. Ace is the one on bad terms with her mother.

But Jess looks different too. He's changed, in a better way than she has. He has a book; he's _making_ something of himself. And he's calm when he looks at her, as if the old desperation he's had when dealing with her has cooled with time. It's odd, but nice, in a way.

Logan's appearance throws her off, and she can't help seeing flashbacks of her Chilton days, but instead of Logan there's Dean. Or, if she thinks even further back, there's confrontations with Dean and Tristan, the boy she still remembers years later. She knows that Jess doesn't like Logan – she can tell by his newly sullen attitude, the set of his jaw that she hasn't seen since they were seventeen and he got easily jealous of her ex, and the darting intensity of his eyes. Logan doesn't like Jess either, but he hides it less. Rory wonders what that says about their relationship.

When Logan loses control, she runs after Jess because he was first in her heart, and she hates Logan at the moment for what he said. She knows Jess better than anyone, and he's better than half of the Yale population, no matter that they got into the school and he didn't. He wrote a _book_. He's going somewhere in his life, and for Logan to dismiss that is arrogant and bastard-like. Rory remembers why she disliked him at first, before he charmed her.

And then Jess is yelling at her. The things he says are all things she's heard before – whether from her mother or the little voices in her head that whisper in the dark of night. And suddenly she sees what everyone else has been seeing all the time; that she has been wasting her life, becoming the daughter Richard and Emily always wanted, but couldn't find in Lorelai. Maybe it's the fact that Jess is telling her, but she can see that she's been thrown off the right path for her – that she's been losing her sense of self that had drawn Dean and Jess to her in the first place.

She doesn't hesitate when she comes to this revelation, because she's always known she's felt this way. And from the furious glitter in Jess' eyes at the way she's lost herself, she can tell, finally, that he truthfully feels the same way.

When she kisses him, the cold is finally gone.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** My first Gilmore Girls story, and its an odd one-shot. I've always been fascinated by the relationship between Jess and Rory, and this poured out after reading through some Gilmore Girls fanfiction. There's spoilers up to Season Six, and it focuses on the three times Rory has seen him - two times in Season Four and the first time in Season Six (if she's seen him in Season Five, I've completely forgotten about it. So if she has and I didn't add it, please forgive my lapse of memory). Hopefully someone enjoyed it.


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